13 ways to encourage your pastor

Last week I texted nearly 150 pastors, asking them one question: what are the things that are most meaningful and encouraging in your role as a pastor? The sample size was broad—from men serving their very first church to seasoned, retired pastors. Church size ranged from membership around 100 into the tens of thousands. From their 20s to their 80s, current pastors and retired pastors, bivocational and full-time, church planters and legacy church pastors, rural and urban, men you’ve never heard of and household names, senior pastors, student pastors, worship pastors—the one thing they all held in common was experience in pastoral ministry.

Some of the answers I expected, and some were brand new. But all of them were good. Here is a distillation of the most frequent answers with a few specific quotes to illustrate:

1. Encourage him specifically

Verbal or written encouragement was far and away the most frequent answer. But not just any encouragement; almost to a man, each of them said that the most meaningful encouragement was specific.

• “Don’t just say, ‘Great sermon, pastor.’ Say, ‘The way you explained the role of the Holy Spirit in bringing conviction of sin changed my view on the Spirit’s role in my life.’ Or ‘when you gave up your Saturday to visit that person in the hospital, it moved me. Your sacrifice for the church is inspiring, pastor!’ The more specific the encouragement, the more your pastor is going to believe it!”

• “Intentional words of affirmation. Intentional meaning not just a general compliment, but specific things you appreciate, or specific ways you have been impacted, specific things that you love about the church, the mission, the vision/direction. As a pastor, one of the challenges is, I don’t always know where people actually stand or how they are receiving things, where they think the church is. So intentional words of affirmation is a huge blessing!”

2. Compensate him generously

As someone who isn’t a pastor but has the benefit of having lots of friends who are, I can say with confidence that the vast majority of pastors are underpaid. Whatever your pastor is making, he almost certainly deserves more. Pastors don’t clock out at 5pm, and the job is harder than you’ll ever know if you haven’t done it. Sleepless nights, tears, the burden of caring for others in their most difficult moments—these are the things you’ll rarely hear your pastor talk about. A workman is worthy of his wages, and elders who lead well are worthy of double honor (1 Tim. 5:17-18). Be the person in the church advocating for generous compensation—and this includes health insurance, retirement matching, and housing allowance, in addition to salary.

• “Most pastors are underpaid, the market is tough right now, and there’s no opportunity for commission. Wives often feel this pinch more than the husbands.”

3. Offer no-strings-attached friendship

Pastors need men who will be their friends without any expectations beyond that of someone who isn’t a pastor. They need people with whom it’s safe to share their own burdens and those they can be around without constantly talking about work. Be the person who, when you reach out to plan lunch or coffee, they immediately know it will be a time of rest and refreshment rather than being lobbied about a church issue.

• “When men come alongside me as ‘low maintenance’ friends. When they don’t pry for information about the church, when they don’t angle to feel connected to power — but rather — when they are true, low maintenance friends that just care about me as a man. Like my golf buddies. Guys that say more about my golf game than they do my ministry— these are my best friends in the church.”

• “Let him be a real person. That’s the best way for a pastor and his family to be a part of the church, be prayed for, have friends, and be mentally healthy.”

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